I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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