you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
