.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
