My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
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I just found puke in my bra..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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