My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
