HIV tests are more positive than that guy
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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