its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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