she was so not down for the gang bang
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
