it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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