I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize