Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
