I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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