are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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