How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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