Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
