Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
