Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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