Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
