i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
