at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Pants are for mortals
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
