apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
