You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
