I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
