I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
