Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
