Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
