Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
