I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Less talking, more tequila
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
