the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
