I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
