i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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