theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
