he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
