if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
