I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You pole danced in your parka.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
