i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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