Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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