omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
