ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
