The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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