is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
