so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
