dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
