I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
