Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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