if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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