Heybabeimwearingurpanties
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
