i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
