can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
