I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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