i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
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If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
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Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
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