you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
