Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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