you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
