She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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