Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
