if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
