All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
