Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
two words: eviction party
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
