Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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