Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
