I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
