i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
