i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
