Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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