I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
