if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
