R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
