your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
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Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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