everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
