just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
