the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
there is puke in my bra ... again
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
