It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
