We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
