Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
