I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
