So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
